I am terrified

I never posted about it on here, but in September I got kicked out of the gym. Ever since then, I don't really know who I am. It was such a big part of my life, I practically grew up there. It tore apart my self confidence and left me filling in the gaps with other things. No matter how I tried, I could not fill in these gaps. I feel like I have lost myself and who exactly I am, I do not know. My identity has been stolen, and I can no longer feel good about myself. Of course, once I got kicked out, I looked for another gym to go to. That same day I found one, but my mom wanted to wait before she sent be there. And now, months later, when my mom keeps asking me when I wanna go, I find myself continuously putting it off. I am scared. What if I can't do it? What if they don't like me? What if I have become awful at it? I am frozen solid with fear.
Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
I still am driven by fear though. TaeKwonDo was the one thing I always fell back on, I took comfort in it when I was falling. However, now I am falling into a black hole and I don't know if the Lord will catch me, or let me crash to the floor. It feels like I'm on the brink of obesity and my drive has deserted me. I am trying to replace it in my life with boys and friends and school, but you can't just create a new identity.

The Lack Of.

I am happy, content, pleased.
I am not overjoyed, thrilled, or excited.
But I am fine.
And thats so true.
Things are good, not to good, but just good enough. I still don't talk to God anymore though. My life is so busy that I just never seem to have the time. I never sleep or rest, I never talk to God. I'm so tired that I don't have enough energy to hope that that will change. However, my social life is well and I am mentally well. Spiritually, I am lacking.