Mother Mary

Growing up Catholic, I never liked it. I have always seemed to fight it, wanting to find a different religion I could call my own. I wanted to make the journey towards faith for myself, not defining me by what church my dad goes to. With this being said, I have been in complete denial of all of the saints and the whole Hail Mary prayer for a long while. A few days ago, I was having boy trouble (just the typical teenage girl kind, nothing special). It was the kind of time you just wanted to have a mom to talk to about everything, to listen to the "maybe he likes me" "I don't think he likes me" "He acts like he likes me" worries. That kind of conversation I really did not want to have with my mom though. So instead, I turned to the mother of Jesus.
And for the first time sense fifth grade, I prayed the rosary.
This happened on Tuesday, it is now Saturday and I have prayed it every day sense. Things have happened from this journey, things that absolutely let me know how extremely powerful our Catholic rosary is. From the bottom of my heart, I can honestly say, the rosary has changed my life.
We all have that mother up in heaven rooting for us, and when we are angry, upset, or confused, we can find hope through her story. When you feel that God has abandoned you, you can always ask Mary to help push your point through.

Fighting Hell

So yesterday I was just sitting there thinking. I know that lately I still haven't been feeling much of God's love, but I haven't been living his love out either. I believe there is a God and he came down to this earth to free us from our sins. I believe that fully. Only a babbling idiot could say there was a big boom then we all just appeared here.
After clearing everything up in my head, I went about my day. Throughout the whole day I realized that what I had decided must be a really big deal. I must have said it loudly, because two people heard. Not only did God hear it, but I declared it loud enough that the devil must have heard it too. I had seven boxes of paperwork to do at work, my dad totaled our car, my brother was angry all day because he got two permanent teeth removed, and just about everything that could go wrong, did. I knew the devil was trying to crush me, but i also knew that God would not let him. My paperwork is done, although we are out one car, it was our oldest car and my dad didn't get hurt at all, my brother is perfectly fine now, and the family ended the day sitting around the TV playing board games.
And all was well.

Fifty cents from God

So right now I am sitting behind my desk at work. I got a job at the gym and so now, from 7:30-3:30, I just sit back here doing nothing. Today though, everything went wrong. The internet suddenly went down, the mouse died and I couldn't find any batteries, the check in program quit working, and the man in charge was nowhere to be found. In my huge amount of stress, I started praying.
There are some little candy machines out in front of the gym, but I didn't have any quarters to go get something. So, I was stressed out and craving chocolate. Ahhh!
Then, something I never could have predicted happened. A man walked in the door and gave me two quarters, then kept going. I just stood there absolutely shocked. It may be a small thing, but I am in complete awe of what my God can accomplish.

Things are getting close

My faith is still weak. But, for now, that is okay. For when I am weak, he is strong. My life has been so busy and so hectic. In the midst of it all, I've learned more about myself. Lately I've been pondering over the thought that I am so afraid to fall. Well, not that I am afraid to fail at something, but I am afraid to disappoint others when I do fall. My hope rests in the fact that when I do disappoint God, He not only forgives me, but completely wipes me clean of it all. As if I never did it. I have a job now, working at a gym. It's cool. I am so grateful for it too. I'm grateful for a lot of things, my friends, my family, and my opportunities. It is so hard to believe that in 19 days I will be on my way to compete. I can't help but smile so big every time I just see pictures of the Sheraton hotel. I would never have been able to guess that God had such HUGE things in store for me. When I was five, I wanted to be a princess, not a international taekwondo competitor. In all honesty though, I'd choose Team USA over that silly stuff any day. There is absolutely no better way to show my strength in him than that.
So yeah, lifes fine. I'm still longing for that intimate prayer life I used to have, but I have patience. It's completely impractacle for me to expect him to just wrap his arms around me and never let go. I will be tested. But most importantly, I will prevail.