All year I have been an absolutely horrible flagline member. It's not that I'm just bad at it, it's that I no longer cared. And I can say that, all year, I did not try my hardest, or even close to it, at any practice we had. That changed tonight. Tonight, I took complete charge of my little group. I was a leader and I sweated my butt off! I felt good. I've been pretty lazy lately. My body has missed doing things like karate or ballet. Of course, it is nothing like before. But still, I feel inspired. I feel like I can actually do stuff again. I am still ashamed of who I've become lately, but I've learned that I will change. Something inside of me is different from everyone else, there is a champion, a fighter, and just raw talent embedded in my very DNA. I have faith that the person I am now will lift up the person I am in the future.
I might not get everything right, and I might be to scared to try.
But when I don't get something right, and I feel like complete crap, I think that's God saying "Get off your lazy ass and be who I made you to be, do what I know you can do."
Monday, August 29, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Fretting the facts and falling face first
I looked at myself today:
I've been saying bad words.
I've been being rude.
I've prayed less.
I'm always whining.
I now HATE my body.
I'm not as happy.
I must confess, I am so ashamed of what I have become. It was spirit night tonight, and I sat there all alone. And for the first time, I can say I truly was alone. God hasn't been so close of a friend lately. My life is a reflection of that fact in every possible way. I feel like a bad influence, I don't think people should be my friend. I really don't need people to be my friend. Im not worried about nobody liking me. Its just, I'm sitting her, for first time, fretting the fact that maybe, just maybe, I can't honestly say I like myself anymore.
I've been saying bad words.
I've been being rude.
I've prayed less.
I'm always whining.
I now HATE my body.
I'm not as happy.
I must confess, I am so ashamed of what I have become. It was spirit night tonight, and I sat there all alone. And for the first time, I can say I truly was alone. God hasn't been so close of a friend lately. My life is a reflection of that fact in every possible way. I feel like a bad influence, I don't think people should be my friend. I really don't need people to be my friend. Im not worried about nobody liking me. Its just, I'm sitting her, for first time, fretting the fact that maybe, just maybe, I can't honestly say I like myself anymore.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Useless love
(*WARNING*: Most of this post will just be me venting. I just get so fed up.)
I have always had a great sense of inner peace. I can get by without having boyfriends all the time and not being the center of attention. I am generally pleased with myself. When I look in the mirror, I usually like what I see. Sometimes guys do to, sometimes. I just don't understand them though. I have random guys come up to me and just tell me how pretty I am, and some will come up saying they like me and want my number. But I don't care. None of the guys I actually like do that. I'll totally think a guy I like is into me and we'll be flirting, but then nothing. And it's just crap. And it just sucks.
I have always had a great sense of inner peace. I can get by without having boyfriends all the time and not being the center of attention. I am generally pleased with myself. When I look in the mirror, I usually like what I see. Sometimes guys do to, sometimes. I just don't understand them though. I have random guys come up to me and just tell me how pretty I am, and some will come up saying they like me and want my number. But I don't care. None of the guys I actually like do that. I'll totally think a guy I like is into me and we'll be flirting, but then nothing. And it's just crap. And it just sucks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)