With No Umbrella

Today I was reading about this lady. She was a sweet old lady who did everything for everyone. She would donate nearly all her money away and lived in a mere 550 square foot apartment. One thing it said about her was the fact that she never put anything off. When she was asked to do something, she would do it right away. I know its not exactly a big Christian leap, but I decided to start doing the same. No more procrastinating. In a way, it is a Christian commitment though. Most of the time I don't honor my mother and father (One of the ten commandments) and just ignore what they tell me to do. Today though, I changed that. I had just come back from running; lately I've been trying to get in shape. My legs were sore and I didn't want to move. As I just sat down and turned the TV on, my mom called me. She wanted me to take the trash outside and around the back. On a normal day, I would have said "sure, in a minute" and ignored her, probably getting around to it the next day. Today though, I didn't. It's been extremely windy outside all day and we've had a tornado watch. So as I was getting blown all over the place, I did my job. I walked back inside after I was done and sat back down. The second I sat back down, it started pouring down rain. Like crazy extreme pouring down. If I hadn't gotten up and done it right away, it would have rained on me too. I know it's just a small silly thing, but it's just one of the many ways I know God is listening.

I Swear, I'm Losing It.

I Swear, I think I'm going crazy. I haven't been very busy lately, but it seems as if every little thing just stresses me out.

Anyways, so I'd just like to throw a little something in here about love.
So I've been reading this book (Will Jesus buy me a double wide?) lately. The chapter I just read said something along the lines of:
"Go love somebody who can't love you back. Love somebody who can't do anything for you. Get off your butt and love somebody who you can't benefit from in anyway. They are never going to invite you to eat at their house. That's the gospel. Not God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life which includes a Mercedes Benz, a corner office, and a secretary with fake boobs."
Now, I've been trying really hard lately to do this. To love everybody. But sense I've been in this strange mood, it's not working so well. Now I'm not talking about the fake "I love you!" we say to all of our friends. I'm talking about the love talked about in John 13:34.
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
We are to love extravagantly and to hold nothing back. Just for a minute, sit here and honestly think about how much God loved you. He expects nothing in return, he just did it for you. Now, think about how you love others. Are the two anywhere close to congruency? I know this is a personal struggle of mine. But I'm working on it. So let us be brothers and sisters in prayer. I pray that everyone of you loves as unconditionally as Jesus did.
And hopefully my bad mood will go away soon! Haha.

Touchdown

I think that as Christians, we count on the fact that God knows everything way too much. Of course, that might just be me who does that. Lately, I've been getting into other people business. Not trying to, its just the next thing I know I'm all caught in everybodys' personal life. That alone is a weird thing, because I am such a "It's none of my business" kind of person. So it's weird that I know so much about what everybody is up to. Which brings me to my main point, I've been forgetting lately to tell God about my day. I know that he sees everything. I know he knows everything in my heart. So I've forgotten to tell him about it. There will be so much on my mind, that I'll just say a quick prayer before I go to sleep. Basically telling him how thankful I am for life, praying for a few people, then that's it. I've been taking his relationship for granted. You see, a relationship with God is just that, a relationship. I was expecting to much from the other end of that relationship. I was expecting Him to just reach out and save me, with out my even asking. (Now, I'm not going to lie, He has done that to me before. He's always willing to pick me up before I even know I'm laying face down. But my point is, I have absolutely NO right to expect Him to always do that for me.) So, for a few days, I had that feeling like I wasn't really there. You know what I am talking about? It's like you know your there, but for some reason, you feel miles away. I started talking to God. I started telling him about my day, about my life. After I started connecting with Him again, I started to live again. I know it sounds funny, and stupid, like why would you care? What does that even matter. But I'll tell you why it matters. I was so sick of not feeling like myself, I didn't feel at home in my own body. So, I tried to feel again.

I promised to be completely open on here, so that's what I fully intend to do.

I cut myself. Three times. Only two broke skin, and none of them were deep. In fact, they just barely cut the surface. Of course, this didn't help at all. I was so tired of feeling like a stranger in my own body. So I really really started to immerse myself deep in prayer with God. So on Wednesday, a funny thing happened. I found myself living in this life again. I came home from school, played piano, went to karate, then church. I was living my old life again. I was talking to all my old friends again. The fact is, just the other day, I was swept away with all these new people and their new problems. So that day, I had no problems, I had my old life back. I felt at home again.

So that's just it, I told God about my problems and he took me back to the days that I had no problems.

May The Wind Whisper Your Praise.

So today, a funny thing happened. I laughed. Of course, I laugh often so it's not exactly a rare thing for me to do. But something about this laugh was different. I was just in PE. We have been doing this funny bowling stuff lately. Me and my friend were just goofing off, and I started laughing. Now, to anybody else, it just sounded like a normal laugh, it wasn't extremely high-pitched, unusually loud, or strangely long and nonstop. It was just normal. In that moment though, time almost froze. It was as if the universe stopped spinning just for me. I was just in pure awe and gratitude that I had the chance to truly laugh. It was not a laugh of evil, nor one of prejudice. It was completely innocent. I felt like God had just put all the happiness in the whole world, and let me carry it around for just a moment. To me, I think this is what it means to be a Christian.

Isaiah 55:12 says, "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

This is our promise from God. Our God will redeem us. We are not called to live a life of misery and shame. As Christians, we are the hope, the light, and hopefully the laughter of many. If we are to honestly "go out in joy and be led forth in peace" then we are to be the hands and feet of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I believe that we are called to live our life in service to him, to ask him to free us from ourselves in pursuit of the impossible mission to become holy like him. Although we may never become holy, we will have our evil hearts desired replaced with his pure intentions. It once we become adoring servants to the Lord, that the "trees of the field will clap their hands." God will notice our submission. God will reward us. So I challenge you, go forth into this world as Christ would. He will reward you. No matter how big or little the reward is, just a simple laugh will do. As a human, I deserve nothing, so laughing should be such a reward that I am eternally grateful. In fact, him giving me breath is more that enough. So please, do good will to all, and be grateful for everything. Jesus Christ was a humble man. Lead a life like he did.

Lets Just Talk All Through The Night.

I want this post to be physical. Everything about this will be about physical pleasure, and physical abstinence. Now, I have the non-guilty pleasure of having my radio always on christian radio stations. When I drive, when I'm just sitting in my room, no matter what, that's what I'm listening to. Sense I listen to it so ofter, my parents obviously know. They make sure I know the notice too. Every time I do the tiniest thing wrong, I get a "talk" about how I can't be a real Christian listening to this music all the time then be so mean. This hurts me so much, I listen to my parents yell at me about being a fake, horrible, heartless christian all the time, that honestly, I completely believe it. I am a horrible christian. I deserve to go to Hell. But don't we all? If you all get to heaven one day and don't see me, don't be surprised. It's just like my parents predicted, I am a horrid person. I know its true, but its hard to take. I am completely abstinent. I have never gotten drunk. I do not party. In my whole life, I have never done drugs. Am I really that bad of a person? But that's not the question God asks us. God asks us, are you really that good of a person. People tend to preach don't do this and don't do that. What I want to hear, is the sound of people proclaiming GO OUT AND DO GOD'S GOOD WILL.


Here, I have a song. Boyce Avenue changed some of Katy Perry's lyrics. So this, right here, is the REAL teenage dream.

Dont Ever Look Back

The thing about the past is that the memories are so amazing that we try to relive them everyday. When we hang on to it, we lose how amazing it really was. Sometimes you just have to let go and leave it as a memory; part of your past, not your future.
I Think that's what happened to me. I had this amazing weekend! The thing was, it was so wonderful that if I could, I'd love to have made those days stretch on for decades. After all, that's where I met Oregon. Oregon was so cute, and had an even cuter personality. After hanging out with him, we were texting each other a lot. To be honest, I never really wanted to date him. He was more of just a fun person to flirt with innocently. When I found out that we were never going to happen, I hardly felt hurt at all. Thats when I realized what had been happening all along. I was trying to spread out something that wasn't meant to be spread out. God gave me a few days of happiness and I stood there at his alter, when I should have been bare before him shouting praise, asking him for more and more. I wanted him to grant me that happiness everyday, and the greed was overwhelming.
I would like to devout this post to me saying thank you to God. I had a most magical time, and now I am finally ready to let go.