Touchdown

I think that as Christians, we count on the fact that God knows everything way too much. Of course, that might just be me who does that. Lately, I've been getting into other people business. Not trying to, its just the next thing I know I'm all caught in everybodys' personal life. That alone is a weird thing, because I am such a "It's none of my business" kind of person. So it's weird that I know so much about what everybody is up to. Which brings me to my main point, I've been forgetting lately to tell God about my day. I know that he sees everything. I know he knows everything in my heart. So I've forgotten to tell him about it. There will be so much on my mind, that I'll just say a quick prayer before I go to sleep. Basically telling him how thankful I am for life, praying for a few people, then that's it. I've been taking his relationship for granted. You see, a relationship with God is just that, a relationship. I was expecting to much from the other end of that relationship. I was expecting Him to just reach out and save me, with out my even asking. (Now, I'm not going to lie, He has done that to me before. He's always willing to pick me up before I even know I'm laying face down. But my point is, I have absolutely NO right to expect Him to always do that for me.) So, for a few days, I had that feeling like I wasn't really there. You know what I am talking about? It's like you know your there, but for some reason, you feel miles away. I started talking to God. I started telling him about my day, about my life. After I started connecting with Him again, I started to live again. I know it sounds funny, and stupid, like why would you care? What does that even matter. But I'll tell you why it matters. I was so sick of not feeling like myself, I didn't feel at home in my own body. So, I tried to feel again.

I promised to be completely open on here, so that's what I fully intend to do.

I cut myself. Three times. Only two broke skin, and none of them were deep. In fact, they just barely cut the surface. Of course, this didn't help at all. I was so tired of feeling like a stranger in my own body. So I really really started to immerse myself deep in prayer with God. So on Wednesday, a funny thing happened. I found myself living in this life again. I came home from school, played piano, went to karate, then church. I was living my old life again. I was talking to all my old friends again. The fact is, just the other day, I was swept away with all these new people and their new problems. So that day, I had no problems, I had my old life back. I felt at home again.

So that's just it, I told God about my problems and he took me back to the days that I had no problems.