Its Different

I feel like I need to talk about it. We all have one, some more than others, but its always there. Love. My choice not to. I was called to make a choice. I don't remember when exactly it was, but God put a notion in my heart. He made me ask the question, Why not stay single, for him. So I prayed about for a few months. Then finally, I came to the conclusion that he wanted me to. And when it comes down to it, that was probably the best decision I've made in my whole life. I'm not gunna lie, before that, I wasn't exactly having the guys chase after me to begin with. In fact, I was extremely lonely. I remember writing this. It was at one of those days that I just felt so sad. Because, well, I hadn't really ever had a good relationship. At least not one I really cared about:
It's 11:37. Iv been sitting here on my couch for an hour, crying my eyes out. I feel so alone. It hard to pray, like Gods obviously chose for me to be forever single so how does he feel about me praying against him... I'm so tired of being alone. Nobody understands. It's more than just wanting to "say I have a boyfriend." It's about the loneliness I feel when my friends pair off, it's about the way I feel God is punishing me by not wanting to make me feel happy. It's about how INCREDIBLY and UNDESCIBIBLY darn UGLY I FEEL. It's about how unwanted I feel, like I could fall off the earth and nobody would care. It's about how guilty I feel for being jealous of my friends. It's about how I feel like I'm missing out on what is a huge part of some people lives. I don't care how much of a loser other people think I am for being single; it's about how much of a loser I call myself for being single. I'm my own worst bully. I just want what everybody else wants... To feel loved. I guess I'm not worth it for any guy. I'm to much of a mess. I can't stand myself, how would anybody else be able to stand me. When I look in the mirror its hard feel even a little pretty. I'm just looking for a guy to prove all my worse fears wrong. Most of all, I'm looking to gain that self confidence I desperately need.

And that it, that was how unhappy it made me. And sense I'm being completely honest, even if I had chosen to date, I probably wouldn't be right now. I'd be the same unwanted unhappy girl. But after I made that promise, and literally RIGHT AFTER, everything changed for me. I've always said "You can't find yourself if your to busy getting lost in somebody else." but that's exactly what I did, I got lost in God. I found my self worth. Immediately afterwords, He blessed me in sooo many ways. I remember one night specifically. I just looked in the mirror, and started bawling my eyes out. He put some very amazing guys in my life, he made me feel beautiful again. I felt wanted, pursued. So I cried for the longest time, the tears of uttermost joy. I found happiness in the Lord. Now I know that this isn't the right path for everybody. But that's okay. Cause God has a different and exciting plan for each one of us. Today, I saw someone, someone who used to be important. But it's whatever. Cause I know this is so much better. One day, God will release me from my promise, and one day he'll give me a man I deserve, and one that deserves me. But until that day, hes using the rest of this time to deliver me. To save me from all the unfortunate heartbreaks everybody is living through. I could never be more happy. This is all part of his plan.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Now THAT deserves a hallelujah!